University - Did I Get in?

 I applied to University (Bachelor in Health & Nutrition) a little while back and have been waiting impatiently for the reply if I got in or not. My sister Lea applied to University as well - though not the same education as me. We stayed up late and checked at the same time if we got accepted. I did NOT - but my sister did and I am so proud of her! She accomplishes so much and she is so hardworking, clever and the best role model ever! Really excited for her 

So I did NOT get accepted to University. I qualify, but unfortunately, there weren't enough spots left for me to get in as well. Now what? Now I stay in recovery for a while as an outpatient - since I live by myself and then I will re-apply again next year. This year leading up to me maybe getting in (fingers crossed), I will be spending my time getting an internship somewhere related to health/nutrition in the hopes that it will better my chances of acceptance next year. Since I am still sick and have my struggles/limitations due to my physical and mental health - I will get help from the commune/government and the recovery place to find a suitable place to intern and then start with 6-10 hours a week and work my way up to more hours. This will also help me prepare for University in terms of learning how to spend 30-40 hours a week being at school, studying, and with other people. It will definitely be challenging both this year and the years to come - but the outcome will be so worth it! 

Now I just have to stay focused on daily routines, progress and keep a positive mind. Not giving up!♡

# MusicMonday ♫ And More

 

Today was actually a good day. I cleaned up, did the dishes, unpacked a bit and met some really nice people online. I also ventured outside! No creepy crawlies in my way today and I feel very positive. I actually feel like I could get better (hope I don't jinx it) 

Just a really nice and quiet day at home with my favourite music and being online. This is btw my current but temporary setup at home. The wifi will not work on my iMac, so had to move it to the kitchen floor for the internet thingy plug to reach! Boyfriend is really good with computers, so he promised to fix it. So far this is kinda cosy ♡

Currently listening to Michael Kiwanuka on repeat ♡♫

And drinking Starbucks instant coffee 

Juelsminde with Boyfriend ♡

 

Yesterday, boyfriend helped with the creepy crawlies by the door.. again! And after that we went for a long drive to Juelsminde Beach/Harbour to just relax, have a romantic evening and get some fresh air. All of my OCD struggles is honestly just taking a toll on both of us. As exhausting it is for me, living with OCD - it is definitely not easy on him either! He does everything he can to help though and I appreciate that so much. Cant wait for summer to be over so I am no longer overly exposed to my triggers. 

The beach was nice and we needed it. And I am glad he hadn't hoovered the car yet - because I practically dragged home the entire beach 👀 whoops! 

So I still have one week off from recovery but today I just found out that even though my contact person also has the week off - I still have to have weekly contact person visits in my home.. So instead of my contact person, it will be the headmistress of the recovery place. She texted me she is visiting me Wednesday at 1 pm and I don't have a choice. At least she is really really nice with the right amount of crazy on top, so we always get along and have great talks. And I definitely need someone professional to talk to after the week I've had - so it will be for the best. A challenge, but a much needed one ♡

Today I will be busy cleaning, hopefully do some laundry and just dance it all out to good music! 

 

Trapped in my own home.. Again!

This is seriously an OCD nightmare! Recently - the beginning of my two weeks off from recovery/vacation. Creepy crawlies have trapped me in my home. This isn't just a fear of them or a phobia, its my OCD. They have taken over the outside hallway to one exit and other exit door as well. Yesterday the boyfriend and I borrowed a hoover from the recovery place and he borrowed an extension chord from his mum. We removed them and I was extremely proud of myself for that achievement - since it was nearly impossible for me to handle and the whole situation actually made me suicidal, had me back to drinking (I'm in AA) and I self harmed over it. Living like this, trapped and in so much fear all the time is unbearable and I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. 

Unfortunately this whole removal achievement did not last long, as new ones are back today and I am yet again trapped. 

I just moved out of recovery because they said I was ready to live by myself.. So I am actually looking forward to this vacation time to be over, so I can call them and ask what they suggest I do now. I cant even leave my own home - just like before recovery. I start school in September and will then have no support/recovery at all.. what do they expect me to do then? I am really looking forward to hear what they have to say to this. I cant live like this. I cant walk outside my own door or let anyone near it. No food, cant take trash out.. Cant go to school - assuming I get in at all. 

Sorry this was a very negative post, compared to what I usually post but I am trying to keep it real. Hopefully it will all be okay in the end ♡

 

Breathe in - Breathe out ♡

 

Having a rough time lately with the move, OCD and life in general - so tried pepping myself up with some self-care ♡ I forget to take care of myself when I am stressed and feeling down. Done with face mask (which was just a cheap one from Lidl) and now I will relax to classic I have never watched before - The Lake House. Sandra Bullock makes me feel better ♡

WiFi ♡ Free Dinner ♡ OCD ♡

 

Yay I got Wifi!! Picked up the router a few days ago thinking maybe it would work - but no.. But yes..

When talking to the internet provider they said one date (for internet start/delivery), then I talked to them again and they said Monday July 12 at 11 am. So I hurried home and checked the internet, didn't work. Called them again! And turns out I have had Wifi for days.. Just didn't plug it into the right thing.. Typical me. But now it works and I love it. I missed the internet! 

Yesterday I was with the boyfriend and we were gonna go to the beach but halfway there his boss called him with an emergency - despite it being not only his day off but also the beginning of his two weeks off/holiday. She did however apologise by paying for a very nice BBQ ribs dinner from Bones and honestly it was probably for the best. I had such a horrible day and weekend with my OCD. Moving out for myself is challenging and my OCD is kinda taking over slowly and I feel tired and drained fighting it this much. Along with the energy I spend on every day tasks and being social and outside. Thankfully I have two weeks off as well! I need time off recovery (ironically) to recover. I need to breathe, be myself and just focus on good thing I enjoy doing. Getting wifi certainly helps with that, so I can blog, listen to music and chat -- reconnect with the world and and my long distance close friends. 

Also can we appreciate how aesthetically pleasing the looks of this router is ♡

# Selfie Sunday ♡

 

CROP TOP ♡

 

Been a bit obsessed with crop tops lately as I am practising showing more skin when outside. I usually walk around in big hoodies - I have very low self esteem and I feel disgusted and embarrassed by my body. But recently I have felt a bit more comfortable in my own skin and it is EXTREMELY WARM to walk around in a big hoodie every summer. I now practice wearing tops outside showing my arms and I am also practising with crop tops to show some tummy but not a lot. I am a big girl and when I see other plus size girls wearing high waist bottoms and a crop top it looks beautiful - so why cant I, right? Bought these two crop tops and a sports bra from H&M and the Friends face mask I got from Normal (they had others, but I picked Rachel)  

♡♡♡

Cute Housewarming Present from a Friend ♡ Thank You!

 

Starbucks - Dark Roast Premium Instant

 

I added a new member to my little Starbucks family at home! My Dolce Gusto broke a bit and haven't fixed it yet, but I am still and will always be a caffeine addict - so I invested in this cute very expensive little tin of delicious instant coffee. It tastes great for an instant coffee, though I do prefer the real kind. Great substitute and the tin looks great in my cabinet with my other collectible Starbucks classics! 

♡♡♡