Today has been one of those days that feels much longer than twenty-four hours. This morning, a guy came to inspect the apartment. The decision to move was already made, so the inspection wasn't about whether I was staying or going, but it still felt like an emotional milestone. Thankfully, I didn't have to be there myself. Lasse went instead, which ended up being good, because I've been having a bit of an IBD flare-up. I am so grateful for Lasse helping out. 

Instead, I spent the day resting. The fatigue hit hard; I slept for quite a while, and I've been feeling feverish on and off. This evening, we all had osso buco goulash for dinner, which was delicious! I am really enjoying the homemade food; it feels like a luxury. 

Right now, I am sitting by my computer, blogging. I've got music playing in the background, an elderflower ice lolly beside me, and Lasse is playing Path of Exile. Very peaceful. 

In a little bit, we will watch The Boys, and then it is time for bed! We both need a good night's sleep as we were up early today, and Lasse has an early day of work tomorrow. 

Goodnight xx 

The past few days have been a whirlwind. For the past two years, I have been in survival mode. Between chronic illness and my mental health, I've reached a point where simply looking after myself and my home has often taken every ounce of energy I had. 

When you're trying to choose between having a shower, eating something, getting out of bed - cleaning an entire home, it doesn't always make the list. Slowly, my apartment has stopped feeling like home, and I haven't been able to keep up. I kept telling myself I'd get on top of it next week. Then next month. Then when I had more energy. Unfortunately, that day never seemed to arrive. 

There is something I've realised through all of this: I am incredibly bad at asking for help. 

Lasse has asked me more times than I can count if there was anything he could do to help. His family has as well. My best friend offered to help out. Yet I struggled to say yes. I worried about being a burden. I worried that I was asking too much. I kept thinking that if I just held on a little longer, I'd somehow find the energy to fix it. Instead, I exhausted myself trying to carry a weight that had become too heavy. 

Accepting help is something I've never been good at. It makes me feel uncomfortable. There's a part of me that still apologises for taking up space, even when the people around me have made it abundantly clear that they want to help. That's a difficult mindset to unlearn. 

On top of all that, the apartment suffered water damage. A leak from the washing machine. What started as a practical problem eventually became much bigger, and despite trying to manage the situation, it has become clear that my tenancy is coming to an end. As difficult as it is to admit, I understand why. A home needs looking after, and I'm simply not in a position to do that right now. Writing that makes me feel incredibly vulnerable because there is still so much shame attached to not coping. We live in a world where struggling is often mistaken for laziness, when in reality there were days where just walking across the room felt like an achievement. 

The truth is I wasn't living. I was surviving. My physical health has declined to the point where I am incredibly deconditioned. I spent far too much time sitting still because I simply didn't have the strength to do more. The less I could do, the harder everyday tasks became, and before I knew it, everything had snowballed. It isn't the life I want, so I have made the decision to move. 

I'll be staying with Lasse and his parents at their house while I search for somewhere new to live. Their kindness has honestly been overwhelming. They've welcomed me without hesitation, encouraged me to focus on resting and getting stronger, and reminded me that accepting help isn't something to be ashamed of. That has probably been the hardest lesson of all. I've spent most of my life believing I had to deal with everything on my own. Asking for help felt like failure. Accepting it felt worse. Maybe healing sometimes begins with letting other people carry a little of the weight. 

#MusicMonday♫

 

I don't think it's a secret that Florence + The Machine is one of my favourite bands, and lately I've been listening to The Old Religion and Sympathy Magic on repeat.

Both songs have that signature Florence feeling that I love so much. They're dark, atmospheric, and full of beautiful imagery. The lyrics feel almost dreamlike, as if they've been pulled from an old fairytale or a forgotten myth.

The Old Religion feels haunting and emotional, while Sympathy Magic has a mysterious quality that keeps drawing me back. Neither song is one that I can simply put on in the background. They demand my attention every time I listen.

One of the reasons I love Florence's music so much is that it always feels bigger than just a song. It feels like a story, a painting, and a piece of poetry all at once.

These two have quickly become favourites, and I have a feeling they'll be staying on my playlist for a very long time.

 

Hunting Adeline & My Thoughts on the Cat and Mouse Duet

After finishing Haunting Adeline, there was absolutely no way I wasn't picking up Hunting Adeline.

The moment I finished the first book, I needed to know what happened next. I didn't even give myself a break between the two books. I went straight from one to the other because I was too invested in the story to stop.

While Haunting Adeline focuses heavily on the mystery, tension, and the relationship between the main characters, Hunting Adeline takes things in a much darker and more emotional direction. It explores trauma, survival, healing, and resilience in ways that genuinely surprised me.

There were moments throughout Hunting Adeline that were difficult to read. Not because they were badly written, but because they were written well enough to make me uncomfortable. Some scenes stayed in my head long after I put the book down, and I think that's part of why the series has become so popular. It makes you feel something.

As for the spice... yes, these books are spicy.

Very spicy.

If I had to rate them, I'd probably give them a solid 5/5 on the spice scale. The romance is intense, obsessive, possessive, and definitely not what I would describe as a traditional love story. If you're looking for a sweet romance, these probably aren't the books for you.

That being said, I don't think the spice is the reason people become obsessed with these books. For me, it was the atmosphere, the suspense, the mystery, and the constant feeling that I needed to know what happened next.

The Cat and Mouse Duet is one of those series that people seem to either adore or completely dislike. Personally, I can understand why it has developed such a dedicated fanbase. The books are addictive. Once I started, I found myself constantly thinking, "Just one more chapter."

Would I recommend them to everyone? No.

Would I recommend them to readers who enjoy dark romance, morally grey characters, suspense, mystery, and stories that push boundaries? Absolutely.

Overall, I ended up enjoying both books far more than I expected to. Haunting Adeline pulled me in, but Hunting Adeline was the book that kept me emotionally invested until the very end.

Just make sure you read the trigger warnings before diving in.

Now I have the same problem every reader has after finishing a series they loved: What on earth am I supposed to read next?

Sertraline and Aripiprazole

For a while now, I have been taking two medications: Sertraline and Aripiprazole. Since I often write about OCD and mental health on this blog, I thought I would share a little about why I take them and how they work together.

Sertraline is an SSRI (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor), which is one of the most common types of medication used to treat OCD. It works by increasing the amount of serotonin available in the brain, which can help reduce anxiety and make intrusive thoughts feel less overwhelming.

Many people with OCD are prescribed an SSRI as a first-line treatment, but sometimes an SSRI alone isn't enough. That's where Aripiprazole can come in.

Aripiprazole is an antipsychotic medication, but despite the name, it is used for many different conditions and at different doses. In OCD, it is sometimes prescribed alongside an SSRI when symptoms are particularly persistent or difficult to treat.

While Sertraline mainly works on serotonin, Aripiprazole affects several brain chemicals, including dopamine and serotonin. Researchers believe that this can help reduce the intensity of obsessive thoughts and improve the brain's ability to let go of certain thought patterns.

The easiest way to think about it is that Sertraline is doing the heavy lifting when it comes to treating the OCD itself, while Aripiprazole is there to give it a helping hand. Rather than replacing the SSRI, it is often added to boost its effectiveness.

Of course, medication is never a magic cure. OCD recovery still involves therapy, learning new coping strategies, and a lot of hard work. Medication can make that work more manageable, but it doesn't do the work for you. Medication often takes time to show its full effects, and finding the right treatment can involve a lot of patience. For now, I'm taking things one step at a time and hoping this combination will help me continue moving forward.

As always, this is simply my personal experience and not medical advice. Everyone responds differently to medication, and what works for one person may not work for another.

#MusicMonday♫

 

Every now and then I come across a couple of songs that completely take over my playlist, and right now those songs are Drumming Song (Live BBC Proms) and Bird Song (Live BBC Proms) by Florence + The Machine.I've loved Florence + The Machine for years, but there is something special about these live versions. They feel bigger, more emotional, and somehow even more powerful than the studio recordings.

Drumming Song feels like pure energy. It starts building and building until it feels impossible not to get swept up in it. The drums, Florence's voice, the orchestra behind her — everything comes together in a way that makes me want to turn the volume up and get completely lost in the music.

Then there's Bird Song, which has always been one of my favourite Florence songs. There's something dark and beautiful about it. It feels almost like a fairytale, but one that's gone slightly wrong. The live version somehow makes it even more haunting, and Florence's voice sounds incredible throughout.

One thing I love about Florence + The Machine is that their music never feels flat to me. It feels alive. The songs are full of emotion, drama, and imagery, which is probably why I keep coming back to them whenever I need comfort, inspiration, or simply something beautiful to listen to.

Lately, these two songs have been on repeat more times than I care to admit. Every time they finish, I find myself pressing play again.

If you haven't heard the BBC Proms versions yet, I highly recommend giving them a listen.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm probably going to go listen to them again.

 

I finally started reading Haunting Adeline by H.D. Carlton, and honestly, I can see why people talk about this book so much.

Before I picked it up, I knew it was controversial. Depending on where you look, people either absolutely love it or absolutely hate it. There doesn't seem to be much of a middle ground. That made me curious because I tend to enjoy books that make people feel strongly, whether that's in a good way or a bad way.

The story follows Adeline, a writer who moves into her grandmother's gothic mansion. As she settles into the house, she begins uncovering secrets from the past while also finding herself being watched by someone she doesn't know.

One thing I immediately noticed was the atmosphere. The book feels dark, unsettling, and tense from the beginning. There is always a feeling that something isn't quite right. Even during quieter moments, there's a sense that something is lurking in the background waiting to happen.

Adeline is an interesting character because she's far from perfect. She's stubborn, curious, and often makes decisions that left me shaking my head. At the same time, those flaws make her feel human. I found myself wanting to know what she would do next, even when I disagreed with her choices.

The book is definitely not for everyone. It contains themes and content that some readers may find disturbing, which is why I think it's important to check the trigger warnings before going in. Dark romance is one of those genres where knowing what you're getting into matters.

What surprised me most was that I wasn't just reading for the romance. I found myself becoming invested in the mystery surrounding the house and the history connected to Adeline's family. Those parts kept me turning the pages just as much as the relationship aspects of the story.

As someone who loves darker stories, crime dramas, and books that explore uncomfortable topics, I can understand why Haunting Adeline has developed such a dedicated fanbase. Whether people love it or hate it, it is certainly memorable.

For now, I'm still reading, so my opinion may change as I get further into the story. But one thing is certain: it has definitely kept me turning pages, and that's always a good sign.

Have you read Haunting Adeline? I'd love to know what you thought of it.