This is seriously an OCD nightmare! Recently - the beginning of my two weeks off from recovery/vacation. Creepy crawlies have trapped me in my home. This isn't just a fear of them or a phobia, its my OCD. They have taken over the outside hallway to one exit and other exit door as well. Yesterday the boyfriend and I borrowed a hoover from the recovery place and he borrowed an extension chord from his mum. We removed them and I was extremely proud of myself for that achievement - since it was nearly impossible for me to handle and the whole situation actually made me suicidal, had me back to drinking (I'm in AA) and I self harmed over it. Living like this, trapped and in so much fear all the time is unbearable and I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.
Unfortunately this whole removal achievement did not last long, as new ones are back today and I am yet again trapped.
I just moved out of recovery because they said I was ready to live by myself.. So I am actually looking forward to this vacation time to be over, so I can call them and ask what they suggest I do now. I cant even leave my own home - just like before recovery. I start school in September and will then have no support/recovery at all.. what do they expect me to do then? I am really looking forward to hear what they have to say to this. I cant live like this. I cant walk outside my own door or let anyone near it. No food, cant take trash out.. Cant go to school - assuming I get in at all.
Sorry this was a very negative post, compared to what I usually post but I am trying to keep it real. Hopefully it will all be okay in the end ♡
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