Today, I had another meeting with my jobcentre, and I thought I would share a little about what was discussed, where things stand at the moment, and what the next steps are.

The meeting included my Lasse, his mum, my job consultant and my contact person from Din Indgang. It was mainly about my current situation, the progress I've been making, and what kind of support might help me continue moving forward.

Taking Things One Step at a Time

Right now, the focus is on: getting my everyday life back.

For a long time, even the simplest daily activities have been incredibly difficult. Things like showering, brushing my teeth, leaving my room and spending time with other people haven't always been as straightforward as they might sound.

But I've been making progress, and I want to keep building on that.

Some of my current goals include:

• Getting out of bed and leaving my room every day.

• Establishing routines for showering and brushing my teeth.

• Spending more time with Lasse and his family instead of isolating myself.

• Continuing my physiotherapy exercises to improve my strength and mobility.

• Working on challenging my OCD through exposure exercises.

I'm already working on several of these things, and although I still have difficult days, I'm beginning to see changes.

I've become more independent with showering, I've been working on my physical strength, and I've even managed a little shopping trip using my walker.

These might sound like small accomplishments, but for me, they're significant.

Looking Into Additional Support

Another important part of the meeting was discussing what additional support might be available.

My contact person from Din Indgang is going to investigate whether I could receive help through home care services, particularly with establishing and maintaining daily routines.

We also discussed social support and different rehabilitation programmes.

One of the possibilities being explored is Bræstrup Livskraftcenter, which offers rehabilitation and lifestyle-related support.

Nothing has been decided yet, but I'm interested in finding out what might be available and whether it could help me become more independent.

I think having the right support could make a real difference, especially while I'm still trying to build healthier habits and improve my physical abilities.

What About Disability Pension?

We also talked about førtidspension, which is the Danish disability pension.

Unfortunately, it's not considered an option for me at the moment.

The reasoning is that there are still treatment and support options that haven't been fully explored, and there's hope that with the right help, I might eventually be able to work or complete an education.

I have mixed feelings about that.

On one hand, I understand the importance of exploring what might help me improve. I want to become more independent, feel better physically and mentally, and have a life that isn't so restricted by my difficulties.

On the other hand, my struggles have been part of my life for a very long time, and the thought of employment or education still feels incredibly far away.

For now, though, I'm trying not to worry too much about what might happen years from now.

I have enough to work on in the present.

Continuing With Din Indgang

I'll also continue having my weekly online meetings with Din Indgang every Monday.

These meetings have been an important part of my progress, and the long-term goal is to eventually move from online meetings to meeting in person.

That's another thing we're working towards gradually.

We also discussed making sure that I have the right support when I eventually move into my own home, or when my current programme with Din Indgang comes to an end.

I think that's particularly important because I don't want to make progress now, only to find myself without the support I need to maintain it later.

Moving Forward

Overall, the meeting was about finding a realistic way forward. There aren't any dramatic changes happening immediately, and there aren't any big decisions about my future just yet.

For now, I'll continue my physiotherapy, work on my routines, challenge my OCD, and attend my weekly meetings. Meanwhile, Din Indgang will investigate the different support and rehabilitation opportunities available to me. I'm trying to focus less on how far I still have to go and more on how far I've already come.

Not that long ago, I struggled with things that I'm now beginning to manage independently. I've started getting out more, taking better care of myself, and challenging limitations that have controlled my life for years. I still have a long way to go, and I know progress won't always be straightforward.

But I am moving forward.

And right now, that's what matters most.

 

 

Also, we celebrated today with quesadillas and wine!  

 

 

 

Today was very productive. Had a doctor's appointment at 10.30 for a general check and a B12 injection - which was long overdue! Went to the chemist to pick up my medication. Then at 14.00 I had an online meeting with the mentor at Din Indgang, which went really well. We talked a bit about my progress with our goals and about an upcoming meeting I have with her, my caseworker and possibly my physiotherapist - which brings me to her being back from holiday, so we are back on track starting next week and she is going to look into getting me a walker so I can get around better. It will be nice if I can walk longer so I can go grocery shopping and attend more meetings in person - rather than online. 

 

 

What Actually Is the Plan?

Overall, the plan is for me to get better physically and mentally. Right now, I live with Lasse and his parents until my health improves enough for me to live on my own.  I’ve mentioned pieces of the plan here and there, but I wanted to put them together in one place.

Step 1: Build My Strength Back
My physiotherapist comes to the house every Wednesday, and I do my exercises on my own between visits. We started with four exercises and added three more after a couple of weeks. Some of them look small on paper, but they’re helping me work towards everyday things I want to do more easily and safely.

Step 2: Make Daily Life More Manageable 
I’m working on routines for eating, showering, getting dressed, moving around and keeping my space reasonably tidy. I’m also getting help from a dietitian. The aim isn’t to suddenly do everything perfectly; it’s to find ways of looking after myself that I can keep doing.

Step 3: Keep Working On My Mental Health
My OCD and anxiety affect ordinary parts of life, so physical progress is only one part of this. I need to keep using the support I have, be honest when things are difficult and practise doing more without pushing myself so hard that I end up back at the beginning.

Step 4: Get the Practical Things in Place
Before I move, I need to know what I can afford and what help I’ll need with everyday life. That means making a realistic budget, working out the costs of a new home and talking through any support I might need. I want to feel prepared, rather than trying to figure everything out after I’ve moved.

Step 5: Find a Home When I’m Ready.
I do want a place of my own. Lasse would still be part of my life and help me, but the goal is for me to be able to manage my home and my days. I’ll start seriously looking when I’ve made enough progress to feel that moving is a step forward, rather than more than I can cope with.

I don’t know exactly how long any of this will take. There will probably be good weeks and difficult ones. But that’s the plan as it stands: work on my health, build a life I can manage, and eventually have a home of my own.

The past few days have been a whirlwind. For the past two years, I have been in survival mode. Between chronic illness and my mental health, I've reached a point where simply looking after myself and my home has often taken every ounce of energy I had. 

When you're trying to choose between having a shower, eating something, getting out of bed - cleaning an entire home, it doesn't always make the list. Slowly, my apartment has stopped feeling like home, and I haven't been able to keep up. I kept telling myself I'd get on top of it next week. Then next month. Then when I had more energy. Unfortunately, that day never seemed to arrive. 

There is something I've realised through all of this: I am incredibly bad at asking for help. 

Lasse has asked me more times than I can count if there was anything he could do to help. His family has as well. My best friend offered to help out. Yet I struggled to say yes. I worried about being a burden. I worried that I was asking too much. I kept thinking that if I just held on a little longer, I'd somehow find the energy to fix it. Instead, I exhausted myself trying to carry a weight that had become too heavy. 

Accepting help is something I've never been good at. It makes me feel uncomfortable. There's a part of me that still apologises for taking up space, even when the people around me have made it abundantly clear that they want to help. That's a difficult mindset to unlearn. 

On top of all that, the apartment suffered water damage. A leak from the washing machine. What started as a practical problem eventually became much bigger, and despite trying to manage the situation, it has become clear that my tenancy is coming to an end. As difficult as it is to admit, I understand why. A home needs looking after, and I'm simply not in a position to do that right now. Writing that makes me feel incredibly vulnerable because there is still so much shame attached to not coping. We live in a world where struggling is often mistaken for laziness, when in reality there were days where just walking across the room felt like an achievement. 

The truth is I wasn't living. I was surviving. My physical health has declined to the point where I am incredibly deconditioned. I spent far too much time sitting still because I simply didn't have the strength to do more. The less I could do, the harder everyday tasks became, and before I knew it, everything had snowballed. It isn't the life I want, so I have made the decision to move. 

I'll be staying with Lasse and his parents at their house while I search for somewhere new to live. Their kindness has honestly been overwhelming. They've welcomed me without hesitation, encouraged me to focus on resting and getting stronger, and reminded me that accepting help isn't something to be ashamed of. That has probably been the hardest lesson of all. I've spent most of my life believing I had to deal with everything on my own. Asking for help felt like failure. Accepting it felt worse. Maybe healing sometimes begins with letting other people carry a little of the weight. 

Sertraline and Aripiprazole

For a while now, I have been taking two medications: Sertraline and Aripiprazole. Since I often write about OCD and mental health on this blog, I thought I would share a little about why I take them and how they work together.

Sertraline is an SSRI (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor), which is one of the most common types of medication used to treat OCD. It works by increasing the amount of serotonin available in the brain, which can help reduce anxiety and make intrusive thoughts feel less overwhelming.

Many people with OCD are prescribed an SSRI as a first-line treatment, but sometimes an SSRI alone isn't enough. That's where Aripiprazole can come in.

Aripiprazole is an antipsychotic medication, but despite the name, it is used for many different conditions and at different doses. In OCD, it is sometimes prescribed alongside an SSRI when symptoms are particularly persistent or difficult to treat.

While Sertraline mainly works on serotonin, Aripiprazole affects several brain chemicals, including dopamine and serotonin. Researchers believe that this can help reduce the intensity of obsessive thoughts and improve the brain's ability to let go of certain thought patterns.

The easiest way to think about it is that Sertraline is doing the heavy lifting when it comes to treating the OCD itself, while Aripiprazole is there to give it a helping hand. Rather than replacing the SSRI, it is often added to boost its effectiveness.

Of course, medication is never a magic cure. OCD recovery still involves therapy, learning new coping strategies, and a lot of hard work. Medication can make that work more manageable, but it doesn't do the work for you. Medication often takes time to show its full effects, and finding the right treatment can involve a lot of patience. For now, I'm taking things one step at a time and hoping this combination will help me continue moving forward.

As always, this is simply my personal experience and not medical advice. Everyone responds differently to medication, and what works for one person may not work for another.

OCD and Personality Disorders

As promised in a previous post, I will go into a bit more detail about the whole therapy situation. 

A little while ago, the psychiatric team figured out why my OCD improves for a while and then comes back, so they did some tests, and I met the criteria for a personality disorder. Unfortunately, my OCD is taking up too much space right now for a psychologist to determine which personality disorder I have. The plan was for my OCD to get better, so a specialist would be able to determine which one it is, but since then, my physical health has massively declined - I struggle to walk at this point. So, a new plan, as I mentioned earlier. My physical health needs to improve, and then when I'm better, I will return to therapy. 

So how does a personality disorder actually affect OCD? 

OCD isn't just about the intrusive thoughts and compulsions themselves. Recovery also depends on how a person manages emotions, relationships, stress, self-image, and uncertainty. Personality Disorders can affect many of those areas, which means they can sometimes make OCD much harder to treat. For example, if someone struggles with emotional regulation, they may experience stress and anxiety much more intensely. Since anxiety often fuels OCD, this can make obsessions feel stronger and compulsions harder to resist.

Looking back, it makes a lot of sense why my OCD would improve for a while and then suddenly become much worse again. We were treating the OCD symptoms, but there may have been a deeper issue underneath that wasn't being addressed yet.

That doesn't mean recovery is impossible. If anything, it means there is finally another piece of the puzzle. Understanding what is really going on gives me a better chance of finding the right treatment and making lasting progress in the future.

 The Psychiatric Team is letting me go - For now 

I have been seeing my psychologist since June 2024 for my OCD, which has been good. During this time, the team at the psychiatric hospital has tested me and come to the conclusion that I also have a Personality Disorder - but they don't know which one yet. The plan was to start therapy to figure that part out, as it interferes with my OCD recovery. Basically, the Personality Disorder that has gone undiagnosed for years has kept my OCD very active, making it difficult to recover properly. I will try explaining that in a different post. 

Unfortunately, my physical health at this point is so poorly that I cannot continue with therapy, so now the focus is to keep taking my SSRIs and getting better in terms of physical health. I've created a 12-week exercise plan, and I'll also be receiving professional support to help me start getting outside and going for walks again. There's also some talk about physical therapy. Being bed-bound has made my physical health so much worse, and it will be tough rebuilding strength, but it will be worth it. Once my physical health is better, I will start seeing my therapist again and start group therapy for Personality Disorder, and a specialist will give me a proper, more specific diagnosis. 

Major OCD crisis today. Morten bought a Christmas tree and then OCD kept telling me that there were creepy crawlies in it, so he had to return it and get a new one three times, till I could unpack it fully. Then of course we hoovered it, checked it and put it up. what a day!