Had a meeting with my guidance counselor today - just a check-in so she can see how I am doing and if I am keeping up with school work. She is so nice and easy to talk to and she is very supportive. She told me that I am still doing really well, my sick days are expected so I don't need to worry about that, and that all my teachers speak highly of me. She said that despite having a lot of sick days and stuff I don't have to participate in - I actually manage to keep up well in class. It was a much-needed pat on the back! I have been feeling like I am failing miserably at this whole school thing. From my perspective I am constantly struggling to keep up because my OCD and Anxiety just use up so much of my energy throughout the day, that mixed with school, constantly having to be focused and socialise - just exhausts me! I still cry on my way home from school some days just out of pure relief that I survived the day and that it is over. But it isn't over... I still got more stuff I have to do at home, chores, homework, dealing with the effects of having been outside and triggered. But I am glad someone thinks that I am handling it all well and that I am doing good - gives me the energy to keep going and to continually push myself! It will be worth it in the end.
At school, my OCD is currently tested a lot! Our main theme in Biology and Chemistry is food in the future - talking about how eating bugs instead of meat would be better for the environment - that is great and all, but it does trigger me like crazy. Yesterday my class went to a different school to cook and include bugs in the cooking, which I thankfully did not have to participate in. I am all for challenges and bettering my OCD but that would've just been traumatic for me. Hopefully, this theme is over soon, and hopefully, it will not be one of the subjects I have to present at exams! Fingers crossed!
Also talked to my contact person from recovery - we talk on the phone every Tuesday after school so she can check in on me and ask if I need help with anything. She praised me for staying in school today despite the topic in class. I love our talks. She makes sure to tell me that my reactions and feelings are completely normal and then she helps me deal with them. She always says that when I don't believe in myself, she will do it for me - because I CAN do it! I might need a lot of help and I will face so many challenges, but I can do it. She reminds me how far I have come already, despite the odds being against me.
Also, my grandfather called yesterday - he never just calls me out of the blue, so got really worried at first! As I have previously mentioned, my grandmother is very ill (terminal cancer), so I imagined the worst when his name popped up on my phone. He just called to ask how I was and to tell me they cleaned out in their home and he found a lot of old films and cassettes - so he wanted to ask me if I wanted some of them - granted I share with my sister of course. He offered to come by with them, but I suggested I could come to visit instead. I miss them a lot and a day in Kolding visiting them and hopefully, my sister as well, does sound nice and much needed.
